Introduction: My name is Mary, and I am chronicling my journey with my husband as we explore adult breastfeeding and inducing lactation. I am excited to walk this path with him, and to share with all of you as I get there. I will be posting each day to keep a log of how this goes. I started taking herbal supplements two weeks ago in preparation for this, and have researched dietary changes and manual stimulation techniques so that I can jump start this adventure with my husband!
Night Before Day One
11:00 PM: Husband (Michael) suckled at each breast for three minutes. He said he tasted sweetness, which has happened off and on since our honeymoon.
Thoughts and Feelings: I have a hard time believing that we want the same thing. I am so excited, in so many ways, to see where this takes us. Cautiously hopeful about our future with breastfeeding. I am having trouble containing my anticipation and talking about anything else.
6:00 AM: Michael spent three minutes on each breast this morning. He told me he tasted the same sweetness and estimated that I produced one drop of fluid from each breast.
9:20 AM: I manually stimulated each breast for about five minutes at work, and attempted to hand express, without luck.
12:30 PM: I again manually stimulated each side for five minutes and attempted to hand express. Still no luck with that method – I can’t seem to get it right to produce fluid.
4:30 PM: Michael suckled at my breasts for three minutes each. Tasted sweetness and estimated one drop each side of fluid.
11:00 PM: Michael suckled at each breast for two minutes a side. He tasted sweetness and estimated that I produced one drop of fluid from each breast. Michael became highly aroused and we made love.
Thoughts and Feelings: I noticed for the first time that being sucked makes me hungry for my husband. I will give oral whenever Michael asks for it, but it is not my preferred method of lovemaking. However, I had no problem sucking him off on Day One.
6:20 AM: Michael suckled at each side for three minutes, tasted sweetness, and estimated that I produced one drop of fluid.
9:30 AM: Manually stimulated each breast at work for about five minutes, but produced no fluid.
12:30 PM: Manually stimulated each breast at work for about five minutes, but produced no fluid.
3:30 PM: Manually stimulated each breast at work for about five minutes, produced a light, clear fluid from my left breast – approximately one drop – and moisture from the right breast.
6:30 PM: Life got in the way and I missed the evening feeding with Michael. We were too busy.
9:30 PM: Manually stimulated each breast after a shower for about five minutes, but couldn’t produce any fluid.
11:00 PM: Michael went to bed early, so I missed my nighttime feeding as well.
Thoughts and Feelings: I notice that, if I don’t nurse, my breasts become very tender and sensitive. They ache for my husband’s mouth. Michael seemed unengaged in the process today. I feel as if I’m forcing him into something he doesn’t really want. I think I will hold off on bringing it up to him and let him take the lead – telling me if and when he wants to continue.
6:00 AM: Michael didn’t want to nurse this morning.
7:20 AM: I went to work early and manually stimulated each breast for five minutes. I was rewarded with moisture from both breasts and a yellowish clear liquid.
9:30 AM: I manually stimulated both breasts for five minutes each, but produced no fluid.
12:30 PM: Michael met me for lunch with a pillow and blanket in the back of the Jeep. I breastfed him in the car. He received his first squirt from my right breast.
3:30 PM: Manually stimulated each breast for about five minutes. No fluid this time.
6:30 PM: Manually stimulated each breast for five minutes. Moisture from each nipple, but no fluid.
9:30 PM: Manually stimulated both breasts for five minutes each. Again, no fluid production.
12:30 AM: My husband suckled one side for ten minutes. Then he climbed on top of me with one of the biggest erections he’s ever given me and came inside me. He proceeded to nurse from the other breast for ten minutes. I produced one drop of fluid from each breast.
Thoughts and Feelings: Today was a hard day. I started out feeling like I had pressured Michael into the breastfeeding lifestyle and resolved to let it go. But then he texted me that he wanted me for lunch. He has asked me to express my desires since we’ve been married but I’ve been unable to. I happily and gratefully give him anything he asks for (or takes) in our marriage bed. He is the kindest person I’ve ever met and he has never done anything but honor me. Tonight we read an article about the levels of lactation and we discovered that I am at level 4, where my breasts hurt when a feeding is missed. He asked me if a feeding was missed, what would I do? I indicated that I wouldn’t ask and risk him suckling when he didn’t want to. He reminded me that we hadn’t had a feeding that evening. He told me that he wanted to feed but refused to until I asked him to. He also said that this lifestyle might be really good for us because, if we’re going to be successful, I’ll have to communicate what I need. It took me about ten minutes to build up the courage, but I did tell him that I needed to nurse and that my breasts were aching. Then the 12:30 session happened…wow! My appetite for my husband after feeding him is unbelievable, and that’s so unlike me. I can hardly keep my mouth off of him. One last note: I ordered my pump today.
6:00 AM: Michael suckled each side for five minutes. He described getting a white, chalky, somewhat solid substance (which we later learned was milk fat). That was followed by three healthy squirts from the left breast and one squirt from the right. He then showed me the biggest erection I had ever seen. I was not permitted to touch it – he told me it was achingly painful and too hard. I didn’t know that could happen! I wanted to relieve him, but instead, he sent me off to work with a very passionate kiss.
9:30 AM: I manually stimulated each breast for five minutes per side. I was rewarded with one drop of fluid. This is the first time I was able to get actual milk from manual stimulation.
12:30 PM: Manually stimulated both breasts for five minutes each. My left breast produced two drops of yellowish, clear fluid. My right breast produced one drop.
3:30 PM: I manually stimulated both breasts for five minutes each side. No fluid was produced this time.
6:30 PM: Manually stimulated each breast for five minutes. No fluid this time, either. I am trying not to feel discouraged.
9:30 PM: Manually stimulated each breast for five minutes, producing moisture on each nipple but no full drops of fluid.
12:30 AM: Michael suckled the left breast first, for five minutes. He received one squirt of milk. Then the right breast for five minutes, giving him three squirts. Wanting to see what would happen, he went back to the left breast again for five minutes – three squirts this time. We agreed that perhaps the left breast simply needed more time.
Thoughts and Feelings: I have taken note that, when thinking of my husband, my breasts ache. Some of the initial excitement and anticipation has worn off, and I feel like I’m starting to settle in. This is just a normal part of our lives now. He is on my breasts morning and night, which helps a lot for both of us, and having him nurse from me feels better than I even imagined it would. I have the next four days off coming up and Michael will be off work for the first two. We will have two whole days together with him nursing every few hours – I can’t wait! Then, by the time he goes back to work on days three and four of my time off, my pump should be here and I can keep up the schedule. We normally work different shifts at our respective jobs, so on days we both work, we only see each other from late in the evening until early morning. I am really hopeful that we can get a good flow established in these next four days. That way, pumping will be more efficient and effective when we resume our work schedules. I know it’s optimistic, but that’s what I’m hoping for.
I am less discouraged about the manual stimulation results after Michael and I read a blog online talking about different forms of stimulation and how different people respond to each one. I apparently respond best to biological stimulation – when Michael nurses from me directly – and less to the hand method. That made me feel better. I am hoping the pump will simulate his suckling well enough to supplement when he can’t breastfeed from me.
7:00 AM: Michael and I slept in a little, so his first feeding was a bit late in the morning. He suckled at the right breast for five minutes and received three good squirts of milk. Suckling at the left breast for seven minutes produced another two squirts. I spent the time cradling his head in my hand, running my fingers through his hair. I was very aroused and so was Michael, but we both agreed that we would wait for satisfaction.
9:30 AM: We got back on schedule with the help of my phone’s alarms, and Michael breastfed from me again. He spent six minutes on the left breast and was rewarded with three squirts. The right breast, after five minutes, only produced one squirt. We looked up information on the inconsistency, and discovered that my breasts might need more time between nursings to produce consistently larger amounts.
12:30 PM: I figured that three hours would be enough of waiting (plus, this would keep us on the right schedule), so we disrobed while lounging on the sofa, and Michael suckled at my breasts. Right breast was five minutes, producing some milk fat and then three squirts of fluid into Michael’s mouth. By the time he switched to my left breast, I could see his impressive erection. Heat pooled between my legs and spread over my whole body as I became aroused. Michael suckled at my left breast for about five minutes, where he was able to get another three squirts. I couldn’t stand the arousal any more, so I pulled his head up gently and kissed him, and we made love. It was extremely intense, especially for my overly sensitive breasts.
3:30 PM: I felt a little overwhelmed from our lovemaking, but I was excited to be milked again. Michael suckled at both of my breasts for five minutes each, receiving several squirts in rapid succession from each side. We were both pleasantly surprised.
6:30 PM: I tried the manual stimulation again this time, rather than have Michael feed. He helped me adjust how I was stimulating my breasts (I had no idea I was doing it incorrectly, but it made sense considering I was working with a written description). When I got a squirt from my right breast, we both laughed in incredulity at how far it shot. It was a powerful squirt and produced quite a bit of liquid – we estimated at least three teaspoons’ worth.
9:30 PM: Michael asked to feed again, and I happily acquiesced. He suckled my right breast for five minutes and received another three squirts from it. When he switched to the left breast to suckle, he was able to coax an impressive five squirts from it. I cradled his head and he put his arms around my back while he fed.
12:30 AM: It seemed like the 9:30 feeding was the highlight of the day. Michael suckled at each breast for five minutes, but I only managed a single squirt from each. It was apparently enough for Michael, as he climbed on top of me and we made love again after he was done.
Thoughts and Feelings: I am in a conflicted state of mind tonight. I love what we are doing, and I can’t wait to have another whole day with Michael latched onto my breasts, but I feel like I really dropped the ball at the end of the night. So, after Michael had gone to sleep, I did some research online, confirming what we had speculated earlier about the frequency of feedings affecting how much milk I produce. We may need to adjust the schedule a little, especially since now I know the proper method for manual stimulation.
I have found relief in the fact that Michael seems just as excited about all of this as I am – if not more so – and his enthusiasm has taken me over the slump on Day Two where I felt like I was just settled into another aspect of our lives together. His arousal whenever he feeds also encourages my own excitement, which is very nice. I was never an overly sexual person, but something about this just brings us closer. I feel as though we are one when he is nursing, and when we make love after, it is always intense and beautiful. I am glad that we started this journey together, openly, so that we can both enjoy it as we go. I feel as though I may have hit a plateau for now, but I will increase the herbal supplements I am taking and see if that stimulates more production.
My pump gets here tomorrow – a day early – and I will have Michael’s help to figure out the best way to make it work for me, efficiently.